A Third Grader and a Kindergartner

I thought that the summer would last longer but here it's September already! We had a great summer, especially with Aaron home for most of it. We really appreciated having him around to do summer activities with. The biggest feat of the summer was Natalie stopping her thumb sucking! We tried everything and then finally ordered the "No Thumb Suck" solution and has been fine ever since. What a relief. I also notices this week that she didn't sleep with her blankie. These strong ties to her baby-hood slipping away from me breaks my heart. I want these things for her, but it's just going too quickly that it's taking me by surprise. We put up a pool this summer and the girls loved it until they dug the lake out behind our yard and then they wanted to do that every day and all day. I can't believe the difference in their swimming abilies having access to swimming every day. It was one of the hottest summers since I've been in Michigan and we had quite a drought, so we were able to play outside without any bugs bothering us, which was nice. Because of the heat, we didn't go to the parks as much as we usually do, or ride bikes either. They were either in the water or in the house. In August I threw an "old school" game night for the girls in Bella's class. They had a blast and were good sports about running around in the heat. We played games like, Ghost In the Grave Yard, tug of war, TV tag, Octopus, and capture the flag. They were really cute. We went to the beach at least evey other week with friends and had my friend Nikki and her kids came up for a visit. In August we went on our family trip to Arkansas and Texas. We first drove to Joliet to see my family, then drove to St. Louis to visit the zoo, which the girls loved and then drove to Arkansas and stayed with Nikki and her family. David and Bella are good friends and so it's so nice that they still get to play together. They took us on a tour of their town and out to eat at yummy places and we got to chill and watch the olympics. We drove next to Dallas to see my aunt and uncle and got to see their new house. I loved seeing the stained glass transoms I made for above the doors in their house. It's a good feeling to see your art work displayed. We went shopping, out to eat, and went to Medievel Times for dinner and a show. I'll never forget Natalie with her hand over her heart, saying, as she pointed to one of the jousting knights "did you see that - he smiled at me", and then later the very same night handed her a flower and she said "he loves me." What a princess that one is! We then traveled south to the coast of Texas (Galveston) and the girls had their first experience with the ocean. They loved boogie boarding into the shore and Natalie loved playing in the sand too. We ate a lot of fresh seafood, shopped, and went to the movies during the hotest part of our trip. It was hard to leave such a beautiful place. We drove home in two 10-hour days, stopping in Memphis. We visited Graceland and got to tour the estate and see where Elvis was buried. The town was beautiful and they had good seafood too! It was good to be home, but it took a while to get everything washed and unpacked. As soon as we were home, we had to go shopping or school supplies, and get all their school paperwork together. We attended their open houses and they met their teachers and got to see where they were going to sit. It was a fun night, but very hot. Labor day was busy. We went home to Joliet for one day to see my aunt and uncle that came to visit and drove home the same day. That was hard after being in the car for our long trip. The next day we went out on Aaron's friend's boat and had dinner in the water and then went home to get ready for the first day of school. Of course I notices Nat had an art project she had to do that was due the first day of school, so first thing in the morning we were gluing and stamping and glittering before I was even awake:( Getting up early again has been very difficult. My sweet girls were so excited for school and it rainned all the way up until we walked out the door for pictures. Thank our heavenly father that we were able to walk our kids to their classes and take group photos without rain. Kim, Cath and I tucked our kids into their tables and waved good-bye. I held it together until I walked out of the class and burst into tears. Cath held on to me tight and I have to say, there have been few times that I needed a hug that much! The girls loved their classes and teachers and are really enjoying being back. I love dropping the girls off at school this year and getting that extra time with them. I have the week off until I start doing day care and volunteering, so it's been nice to catch up on lots of projects that have been waiting for me. My heart is still hurting without having Natalie here, but I'm hoping that in time it will get easier. The girls started back up with gymnastics the same day as school started, so things will be very busy around here for a while. Bella's sleep-over birthday party is next week, so I need to prepare for another busy week. I'm so thankful for my family and the opportunity to be able to spend so much time with them this summer.

The End of Another School Year

Bella finished second grade and Natalie graduated from preschool and next year they will both be at the same school. I can't even believe it. Next year is all-day kindergarten, so I'm a little nervous about how Nat will do and if she will be able to sit still for that long. They both loved school and their teachers, so I was happy for them. Bella found out she's in the same class as her best friend, so she is looking forward to that and Natalie is going to have Bella's old teacher who was awesome and she'll be with a couple of her friends too. I breathed a huge sigh of relief when Bella jumped off the bus and we celebrated our last day of school. We went to the park with their friends and then they came back and had pizza with us and we had a big bon fire and made smores. As Natalie would say "Bomb fire." Bella said it was the best night of her life:) We stayed up way too late and then got to sleep in today, so of course, I was thrilled. We have VBS in a week and a half and my dear friend Nikki and her family will be up to visit then too, so we get to spend some quality time with them, which I really look forward to. They developer that bought the golf course behind our house dug a lake that is 10 houses long and 15-20 feet deep complete with a beach around it, so, we will probably be spending a lot of time out on the water. It's just beauiful. We have a plan to visit Nikki and my aunt and uncle in August. Arkansas and Texas in August, I know. That was the only time we could swing it though. Aaron will be home this summer for the first time in four or five years, but he will have two weeks away in July in some in August as well. We have already been busy doing summer activities. Natalie learned to ride her bike last month and Bella moved up to a bigger bike which completely freaked her out and she acted like she was learning to ride all over again. I love my little drama queens;) I hope to get them enrolled in some more swim lessons this summer to keep them safe in the lake behind our house. I've been busy working in my garden and working on a series of stained snowflakes in clear glass patterns all spring. I don't know why I got the bug to do snow flakes in the spring, but they are so fun to make and so I have been working like a busy bee:) I'm still riding my bike everday - it gives me an excuse to get on Facebook and play games - I love multi-tasking! After last summer spent in the house with our foster babies, I look forward to a quiet summer being able to go to the beach and get out and have fun for the summer. Our first fun thing on our agenda is going to the strawberry farm to pick strawberries. I can't wait.

Changes

It's been a long time since I posted last, but we had the busiest eight months of our lives, so at least have a good excuse;) Since September when I think I posted last, a lot has happened. We had some great holidays with family and Bella lost a lot more teeth! We kept thinking that the boys were going to go back, so we didn't expect to have them for the holidays but the judge kept post-poning sending them back, so we gave them a fun holiday with presents and playing in the snow, sledding etc. The girls went ice skating for the first time and didn't like it as much as they had hoped. No big surprise there. I ended up getting them the walkers for the ice and sped around the ice pushing them in it. They loved that, but didn't like actually doing the work themselves. We spend a lot of money and didn't stay long (sigh). In January we got a wake up call when a dear friend from church died unexpectedly and re-evaluated our lives. Loss is difficult, but when you know that person loved Christ with all their heart and see how many people that person impacted by sharing their faith, it inspires you and comforts you. Shortly after that, I went to Florida with some old friends who I don't see near enough and had some good girl time. The weather was beautiful and the experience was priceless. Although having the boys with us was a gift, it was also incredibly stressful. With the stress of the boys and the shock of losing Deb, I ended up having an attack of Meniere's. For those of you who don't know what it is, it is a problem with a nerve in your ear that causes sudden extreme vertigo, hearing loss, pressure on the ear and head among other symptoms. I had only had bouts of this with my pregnancies because it can come on with hormonal fluctuations too. Becuae I knew I wasn't pregnant, I was surprised and unprepared to handle the extreme exhaustion the disease brought with it. I ended up traveling to and from Florida feeling very bad, but when I came home, the stress with the boys' birth family got worse and worse and that coupled with having five social worker changes in eight months made us fed up with the whole foster care system. I am still trying not to be bitter with the experience we had. The last social worker we had was useless and I never felt like we had any support at Bethany. We could tell horror stories about everything we went through, but I know that God called us to be a part of these little boys' life for a reason, even if it was only temporary. He showed us so many amazing things through it all, that we would never have seen if we had not experience it all. We learned so many valuable lessons that only God can teach us and believe me, I needed them, I'm a pretty stubborn person and wouldn't have learned them any other way! We said good-bye to our little ones a month ago (Feb.) and at first I tried to stay very busy with house projects so I wouldn't think about these little babes who felt like my children, but then when things slowed down it got very difficult. My heart is very heavy. People, now, come up to me and want to talk about it, but I don't think they realize how painful it is and that it's like asking me about a child who has died. I am grieving and I don't know when it will pass. I'm praying that time will go quickly. Two years ago we had heard about what a huge need there was for adopting orphaned children and Aaron and I decided to look into adoption of foster children, but what we learned during the process, was that there really aren't any children available for adoption under Bella's age that didn't have serious problems emotionally or physically. They have many teen-aged children and sibling groups and so we thought we would try a sibling group. When we got the call from Bethany who had come to the end of their rope trying to find someone to take the boys, we thought, "sure - we'll take the boys and see what it's like to acclimate a sibling group into our family" since Bethany said it would be a temporary situation until family members could get licensed. After our long ordeal, we decided that adopting children into our home from the foster system took too great a toll on us as well as our girls. Our girls are still so young and when the boys left they were relieved and so happy to have us back to themselves. Natalie didn't get a lot of one on one attention, because I had two toddlers who demanded so much of me. Don't get me wrong, I will treasure all those hugs, kisses, and "I love yous" for the rest of my days on this earth. I loved being a mommy of the two best little boys in this world. Sometimes I can't even catch my breath when I realize they are gone, but I see how much my girls missed, because my hands were so full that I couldn't take them to gymnastics or swim lessons, couldn't read to them or work on a lot of school work. A lot of things fell through the cracks in our lives and it wasn't the greatest for our marriage either. I have the greatest husband ever and I'm thankful that he allowed us to try adopting, but I think that God used this situation to let us both get on the same page with what we wanted for our future and see that wasn't his plan for us. We have spent the last ten years of our lives working on our family and we are emotionally, physically and financially spent. I can't keep putting my family's needs last to achieve the big family that I've always wanted. After all the heart ache of the last ten years, I can look at my girls and finally feel closure and be content with the our family of four. I am thankful that I have a new found appreciation for our lives and I can look forward to our futures instead of looking back at all that we have been through. God has given us a peace that surpasses all understanding and I never knew what the was until we grieved the loss of many miscarriages and foster children. I consider myself incredibly blessed to see all the miracles that God has bestowed upon us. God is good - God is ALWAYS good!

C