Summer 2014

I feel like I'm really late posting for summer of 2014, since it's the fall, but here I go anyway:) Bella did pretty good in fourth grade. She had a male teacher this year, Mr. Bright and he was pretty awesome. She almost had straight A's, but that blasted math did her in again. That was my downfall too, so at least we can commiserate! She ended the year with Girls On The Run, which is a running club. They had to run a little bit every week and when they did their trial 5k, she ended almost last, crying and her coach trying to encourage her on. It was a cold rainy day,and that didn't help, but she was so discouraged and wanted to quit and kept telling me she never wanted to be in the club ever again. I started running on the treadmill at the beginning of the school year, so that I could run with her, but having not had to run for any reason in 20 years, it took a while for me to get my running legs on. Thankful for my treadmill, Bella and ran the 5k (3 miles) with all of Ottawa and Allegan county schools. It was held at Grand Valley State University, my old stomping grounds:) There were a zillion girls and their parents there. Of course it was nearly 90 degrees that day at the end of May! At first, when we were running, she kept wanting to give up and I was bribing her and threatening her and encouraging her and she wanted to stay with her friends and their parents, but she couldn't keep up with us. Finally finding her inner-strength, which I truly believe was from God, she burst fourth with a new energy and was encouraging all of us by the end. We were passing people that were really great runners and even past her coach. I will never forget her coach's face when she saw Bella kicking butt. It was priceless! She said all breathless, "See, I knew it was all in her head - I knew she had it in her!" One of my best mommy moments with Bella. We will probably never run another 5k ever again, but we can now say we did it and we came in, some where in the middle! First grade was a challenge to Natalie and for most kids from what her teacher said. Going from teacher directed activities, a lot more unguided activities was hard. She had a lot of difficulty paying attention and staying on task. She was a distraction sometimes and had a little too much energy. Again, we got a few notes home saying she was playing too rough or got into trouble. We also had some problems with bullies on the bus. Older kids messing with her to get a rise out of her and kids being plain mean. I ended up doing a lot of driving myself. She had a wonderful teacher, Mrs. Sampo, who I believe is one of the best teachers ever and was so thankful for her guidance and love for our little Nat. Nat still did gymnastics, but again, had trouble not getting in trouble for her wild ways:) I did day care during the day and after school, so most days we had Eden and Blake after school and so they had lots of play dates and snow days spent with good friends. We had more snow days than we could manage with the amount of snow we had, so they missed a lot of school. The girls both did AWANA again this year and so the weeks were filled with memorizing scripture, doing homework and working on their extra sports. After school was very exhausting!!! In February we traveled to Florida and Disney World with my friend Kim and her two daughters Emma an Kaitlyn, who were my girls' best friends. We had many people praying for our trip and I believe it's the only way things went as smooth as it did. On the way down, we had good weather and the girls slept most of the night and didn't complain about being crammed into the back of a 7 passenger van. Thank goodness for technology. They watched movies and played video games and snacked the whole way. I drove for the first 8 hours and was hopped up on flavored coffee which I discovered last year. Kim kept me awake by yelling FORK! It was our code word for when I was over 90 mph. I guess driving on double expressos is like driving on speed:) We left at 5:30pm and arrived the next day at around lunch time. We loved the little apartments and the kids loved the pool. We had pretty awesome weather. The only day it rained was the day we did Animal KIngdom, and it was only a little misting and then the sun came out still during the morning. Fickle Nat only got difficult for a half hour and that was shocking too. The kids went on two of the scariest roller coasters out of all four of the parks and were a little scarred after that:( Had no idea that would be in the dark and go backwards and upside down! That night we went to the Epcot fire works show. The next day we did Magic Kingdom and the kids walked from 11-11. Not once did they complain about how tired they were. They might have asked about snacks a few times, but we were all really proud of them. After all the rides and the warm weather, we watched the light parade and watched the movie and another light show on the actual castle as we were walking out of the park. The girls were so tired they were crying to go home. Us adults really wanted to stay until the end of it, but they were all wiped out. The next day we did a pool day and had perfect weather. The day after that we did Epcot, which was my least favorite part. We did get to see an aquarium, but I sat on park benches while the others stood in hot lines to get pictures with princesses. We didn't stay forever at that park and went home to jump in the pool. I think we did our trip to the ocean next. We went to Cocoa beach for the day and it was a perfect day for swimming. Bella and her fear of the ocean and sharks! So................... Bella walks up to me with her cut finger bleeding saying she won't get back in the water because sharks can smell blood and they'll come after her and then a few minutes later, we are laying out on our towels and the guy next to us in a Jersey Shore's accent shouts "get out of the watta, there's a shock!" over and over! I think a lost a bit of credibility with Bella over that one, because sure enough, there in the waves was a brown shark. I guess that beach it notorious for shark attacks and sightings! Bad mommy moment of the year:) The last park day was spent at Hollywood studios and was a pretty fun little park. Aaron make us get up at the crack of dawn, to be literally the fourth or fifth car in the parking lot, so we could be first in line, which we were, so the littles could be in the Star Wars show, which they were. We got lots of great shots of them learning how to fight with light sabers and fight Darth Vader. That was a proud Papa moment for Aaron;) Kim and I got to go on the Tower of Terror twice by ourselves, so I really loved that. AAron was chosen to be part of the Indiana Jones stunt and action movie, so he was thrilled about that too! We watched the night show in an amphitheater surrounded by water and it was fantastic. Maybe the best of all of the shows. The drive back wasn't as good as going down, but we did the pool on an over-cast morning and left after lunch. I started driving first and poor Aaron did most of the driving after that. The kids couldn't get situated, so after three miserable hours of the kids waking up, while I was driving, and complaining, poor Kim got in the very cramped back so one of the kiddos could have the bucket seat and stretch out. I was up late that night! We got home the next morning and it was cold and snow was every where. Aaron left for Kentucky in May and was gone through the end of August, so he missed out on most of the activities, but I kept busy babysitting my friends' kids. It was a cooler and wetter summer, so we didn't get out to the lake as much as I thought I would. The girls went away to Pine Ridge Bible Camp with their friends Ella and Sophia and had a blast. We did the county fair, family games night at the fair grounds, had lots of play dates and a couple of nights of sleepovers in a tent at their Grandma and Grandpa Combs' house. I attended Gabe's first birthday party alone, since everyone else in my family was gone. My friend' Mandy and Keith had me over lots to keep my company so I wasn't as lonely with Aaron being gone. Some friends from church also gave us zoo memberships, so we did that a bunch of times as well and had a blast! Aaron came house and a few days later, we left for Niagara Falls. It was a quick trip. 5.5 hours long without traffic. We stayed on the Canadian side and had yummy food and rode the Maid of the Mist and got to see free fire works at night. The falls were very pretty with lights shooting on them. The next day we went to the American side and walked through parks and did the junk shop shopping and saw the falls on the U.S. side. and then drove home. That was a longer trip and we were all exhausted by the time we got home. The girls started second and fifth grade before we knew it and have great teachers. We had conferences today and they both were fantastic. They both have great grades and are behaving well. Natalie is night and day different from her behavior last year. She has grown up and matured in amazing ways. The first day I woke her up for school, she jumped right out of bed to get dressed without me warning her and threatening her. I was shocked! Bella on the other hand, who started young adolecense with a vigor, couldn't get out of bed for the first time. Watching Bella's body grown and change and becoming moody and sullen has been difficult. My cheerful happy positive kid had gone into hiding for a bit and hopefully we make it out of this new journey unscathed. School is getting a lot more challenging for her and isn't as much as a breeze as it used to be. She still climbs into my lap, while I hold on the her with all my might, knowing that time is going too fast with her. It's amazing how much my love grows for them. I am still so completely grateful for their little lives. Nat has learned how to do a back walkover, back handspring and a back tuck on the trampoline. She's getting stronger and more sure of herself and it's fun to have that thing in common with her that we can bond over. Bella and I read together and Nat and I have gymnastics. Life keeps on chugging on.......

Summer 2013

Well, another school year came and went and I didn't have the time to post any updates on the girls. Since this is a journal of my children's lives, I'm not doing to good;). Third grade was a long year for Bella! Bella had her eyes tested in the fall at school and at the time, she kept talking about how cool glasses were and how pretty they looked on the other girls, so when she flunked her eye exam, I thought she did it purposely. The teacher kept complaining that she was fidgety and restless and was lacking focus. I couldn't figure it out, because we weren't seeing it at home. We were all perplexed. One of my friends told me she saw a 20/20 or some sort of show where all these inner-city kids were struggling with the same things and were all tested for glasses and all needed them. After they had glasses, they had no more problems. So...... finally in April I listened to that nagging feeling and had her tested and she REALLY needed them. So, my poor kiddo couldn't see the board and her report card at the end of the year was "her glasses made all the difference in the world". Lesson learned! Keeping up with homework with her was rough. The older they get and the more they have to do is hard on us parents. With two kids this year, I felt like as soon at they came home they were working away and fighting me the whole time. Bella made a new friend at church, Sophia and she's a cutie, but at school, she was still friends with the same kiddos. She turned 8 in September and I let her invite the whole class for a sleep over. Wow!! That was exhausting - didn't expect for the whole class to actually show up! The girls both did gymnastics this school year and loved it. Aaron built them a bar and balance beam, so every morning when I had an extra couple of kindergarteners and a pre-schooler, I coached gymnastics. The girls both had good friends in their classes, so they were all excited to go together every week. On Wednesdays they were at church for AWANA. Working on verses was rough too. It seemed like there weren't enough hours in the week! I was afraid Natalie would really struggle with kindergarten being all day, but I was the one who found it difficult. I hated being away from my baby for that long of a day. She only got in trouble a couple of times for playing too rough. She's so impulsive and can't control where her energy goes sometimes, so I was worried about her behavior. She has really come a long way since this time last year. I know we will always struggle with her impulsive side, but I hope as she matures, she will out-grow it more and more. We went backwards with thumb sucking. She had conquered that last year, but during the year, she started again, and we have been dipping her thumb in a no-thumb suck solution every night still. Kindergarten is such a huge year for changes in kiddos. Again, we watched as another one of our littles learned how to read and write, add and subtract. Such huge steps. Wasn't it yesterday we were working on potty trainning? Natalie already had friends before she was in school and they ended up being in her class, so she felt confident and happy day one. She loved recess and lunch:) I kept getting luch boxes back home that had almost no food gone. My girls aren't very good eaters, but with only 15 or 20 minutes for lunch, they weren't eating at all! Hopefully that doesn't continue to be a problem. We lucked out with wonderful teachers for the girls again. I got to volunteer at their parties and field trip since I did day care for my friend. I appreciated the flexability to be able to still be a part of my kids lives at school. I'm still working on stained glass. I had to take a break the last couple of months after having stomach surgery and recovered nicely. Aaron was gone after the first couple of weeks, so taking care of the girls while recovering was pretty rough. I had lots of help from friends and had lots of company so I didn't get too lonely. The girls got to go on lots of play dates and sleep overs. Every day they had someone to play with or were swimming at the neighbor's house. We have done the beach a few times this summer in Grand Haven and the parks a bit too. Bella had a wonderful time at Pine Ridge Bible Camp last week and Natalie is going to camp at Gymnastics this week. We still have another month left of summer but I'm already trying to figure out what they will need for fourth and first grade.

A Third Grader and a Kindergartner

I thought that the summer would last longer but here it's September already! We had a great summer, especially with Aaron home for most of it. We really appreciated having him around to do summer activities with. The biggest feat of the summer was Natalie stopping her thumb sucking! We tried everything and then finally ordered the "No Thumb Suck" solution and has been fine ever since. What a relief. I also notices this week that she didn't sleep with her blankie. These strong ties to her baby-hood slipping away from me breaks my heart. I want these things for her, but it's just going too quickly that it's taking me by surprise. We put up a pool this summer and the girls loved it until they dug the lake out behind our yard and then they wanted to do that every day and all day. I can't believe the difference in their swimming abilies having access to swimming every day. It was one of the hottest summers since I've been in Michigan and we had quite a drought, so we were able to play outside without any bugs bothering us, which was nice. Because of the heat, we didn't go to the parks as much as we usually do, or ride bikes either. They were either in the water or in the house. In August I threw an "old school" game night for the girls in Bella's class. They had a blast and were good sports about running around in the heat. We played games like, Ghost In the Grave Yard, tug of war, TV tag, Octopus, and capture the flag. They were really cute. We went to the beach at least evey other week with friends and had my friend Nikki and her kids came up for a visit. In August we went on our family trip to Arkansas and Texas. We first drove to Joliet to see my family, then drove to St. Louis to visit the zoo, which the girls loved and then drove to Arkansas and stayed with Nikki and her family. David and Bella are good friends and so it's so nice that they still get to play together. They took us on a tour of their town and out to eat at yummy places and we got to chill and watch the olympics. We drove next to Dallas to see my aunt and uncle and got to see their new house. I loved seeing the stained glass transoms I made for above the doors in their house. It's a good feeling to see your art work displayed. We went shopping, out to eat, and went to Medievel Times for dinner and a show. I'll never forget Natalie with her hand over her heart, saying, as she pointed to one of the jousting knights "did you see that - he smiled at me", and then later the very same night handed her a flower and she said "he loves me." What a princess that one is! We then traveled south to the coast of Texas (Galveston) and the girls had their first experience with the ocean. They loved boogie boarding into the shore and Natalie loved playing in the sand too. We ate a lot of fresh seafood, shopped, and went to the movies during the hotest part of our trip. It was hard to leave such a beautiful place. We drove home in two 10-hour days, stopping in Memphis. We visited Graceland and got to tour the estate and see where Elvis was buried. The town was beautiful and they had good seafood too! It was good to be home, but it took a while to get everything washed and unpacked. As soon as we were home, we had to go shopping or school supplies, and get all their school paperwork together. We attended their open houses and they met their teachers and got to see where they were going to sit. It was a fun night, but very hot. Labor day was busy. We went home to Joliet for one day to see my aunt and uncle that came to visit and drove home the same day. That was hard after being in the car for our long trip. The next day we went out on Aaron's friend's boat and had dinner in the water and then went home to get ready for the first day of school. Of course I notices Nat had an art project she had to do that was due the first day of school, so first thing in the morning we were gluing and stamping and glittering before I was even awake:( Getting up early again has been very difficult. My sweet girls were so excited for school and it rainned all the way up until we walked out the door for pictures. Thank our heavenly father that we were able to walk our kids to their classes and take group photos without rain. Kim, Cath and I tucked our kids into their tables and waved good-bye. I held it together until I walked out of the class and burst into tears. Cath held on to me tight and I have to say, there have been few times that I needed a hug that much! The girls loved their classes and teachers and are really enjoying being back. I love dropping the girls off at school this year and getting that extra time with them. I have the week off until I start doing day care and volunteering, so it's been nice to catch up on lots of projects that have been waiting for me. My heart is still hurting without having Natalie here, but I'm hoping that in time it will get easier. The girls started back up with gymnastics the same day as school started, so things will be very busy around here for a while. Bella's sleep-over birthday party is next week, so I need to prepare for another busy week. I'm so thankful for my family and the opportunity to be able to spend so much time with them this summer.

The End of Another School Year

Bella finished second grade and Natalie graduated from preschool and next year they will both be at the same school. I can't even believe it. Next year is all-day kindergarten, so I'm a little nervous about how Nat will do and if she will be able to sit still for that long. They both loved school and their teachers, so I was happy for them. Bella found out she's in the same class as her best friend, so she is looking forward to that and Natalie is going to have Bella's old teacher who was awesome and she'll be with a couple of her friends too. I breathed a huge sigh of relief when Bella jumped off the bus and we celebrated our last day of school. We went to the park with their friends and then they came back and had pizza with us and we had a big bon fire and made smores. As Natalie would say "Bomb fire." Bella said it was the best night of her life:) We stayed up way too late and then got to sleep in today, so of course, I was thrilled. We have VBS in a week and a half and my dear friend Nikki and her family will be up to visit then too, so we get to spend some quality time with them, which I really look forward to. They developer that bought the golf course behind our house dug a lake that is 10 houses long and 15-20 feet deep complete with a beach around it, so, we will probably be spending a lot of time out on the water. It's just beauiful. We have a plan to visit Nikki and my aunt and uncle in August. Arkansas and Texas in August, I know. That was the only time we could swing it though. Aaron will be home this summer for the first time in four or five years, but he will have two weeks away in July in some in August as well. We have already been busy doing summer activities. Natalie learned to ride her bike last month and Bella moved up to a bigger bike which completely freaked her out and she acted like she was learning to ride all over again. I love my little drama queens;) I hope to get them enrolled in some more swim lessons this summer to keep them safe in the lake behind our house. I've been busy working in my garden and working on a series of stained snowflakes in clear glass patterns all spring. I don't know why I got the bug to do snow flakes in the spring, but they are so fun to make and so I have been working like a busy bee:) I'm still riding my bike everday - it gives me an excuse to get on Facebook and play games - I love multi-tasking! After last summer spent in the house with our foster babies, I look forward to a quiet summer being able to go to the beach and get out and have fun for the summer. Our first fun thing on our agenda is going to the strawberry farm to pick strawberries. I can't wait.

Changes

It's been a long time since I posted last, but we had the busiest eight months of our lives, so at least have a good excuse;) Since September when I think I posted last, a lot has happened. We had some great holidays with family and Bella lost a lot more teeth! We kept thinking that the boys were going to go back, so we didn't expect to have them for the holidays but the judge kept post-poning sending them back, so we gave them a fun holiday with presents and playing in the snow, sledding etc. The girls went ice skating for the first time and didn't like it as much as they had hoped. No big surprise there. I ended up getting them the walkers for the ice and sped around the ice pushing them in it. They loved that, but didn't like actually doing the work themselves. We spend a lot of money and didn't stay long (sigh). In January we got a wake up call when a dear friend from church died unexpectedly and re-evaluated our lives. Loss is difficult, but when you know that person loved Christ with all their heart and see how many people that person impacted by sharing their faith, it inspires you and comforts you. Shortly after that, I went to Florida with some old friends who I don't see near enough and had some good girl time. The weather was beautiful and the experience was priceless. Although having the boys with us was a gift, it was also incredibly stressful. With the stress of the boys and the shock of losing Deb, I ended up having an attack of Meniere's. For those of you who don't know what it is, it is a problem with a nerve in your ear that causes sudden extreme vertigo, hearing loss, pressure on the ear and head among other symptoms. I had only had bouts of this with my pregnancies because it can come on with hormonal fluctuations too. Becuae I knew I wasn't pregnant, I was surprised and unprepared to handle the extreme exhaustion the disease brought with it. I ended up traveling to and from Florida feeling very bad, but when I came home, the stress with the boys' birth family got worse and worse and that coupled with having five social worker changes in eight months made us fed up with the whole foster care system. I am still trying not to be bitter with the experience we had. The last social worker we had was useless and I never felt like we had any support at Bethany. We could tell horror stories about everything we went through, but I know that God called us to be a part of these little boys' life for a reason, even if it was only temporary. He showed us so many amazing things through it all, that we would never have seen if we had not experience it all. We learned so many valuable lessons that only God can teach us and believe me, I needed them, I'm a pretty stubborn person and wouldn't have learned them any other way! We said good-bye to our little ones a month ago (Feb.) and at first I tried to stay very busy with house projects so I wouldn't think about these little babes who felt like my children, but then when things slowed down it got very difficult. My heart is very heavy. People, now, come up to me and want to talk about it, but I don't think they realize how painful it is and that it's like asking me about a child who has died. I am grieving and I don't know when it will pass. I'm praying that time will go quickly. Two years ago we had heard about what a huge need there was for adopting orphaned children and Aaron and I decided to look into adoption of foster children, but what we learned during the process, was that there really aren't any children available for adoption under Bella's age that didn't have serious problems emotionally or physically. They have many teen-aged children and sibling groups and so we thought we would try a sibling group. When we got the call from Bethany who had come to the end of their rope trying to find someone to take the boys, we thought, "sure - we'll take the boys and see what it's like to acclimate a sibling group into our family" since Bethany said it would be a temporary situation until family members could get licensed. After our long ordeal, we decided that adopting children into our home from the foster system took too great a toll on us as well as our girls. Our girls are still so young and when the boys left they were relieved and so happy to have us back to themselves. Natalie didn't get a lot of one on one attention, because I had two toddlers who demanded so much of me. Don't get me wrong, I will treasure all those hugs, kisses, and "I love yous" for the rest of my days on this earth. I loved being a mommy of the two best little boys in this world. Sometimes I can't even catch my breath when I realize they are gone, but I see how much my girls missed, because my hands were so full that I couldn't take them to gymnastics or swim lessons, couldn't read to them or work on a lot of school work. A lot of things fell through the cracks in our lives and it wasn't the greatest for our marriage either. I have the greatest husband ever and I'm thankful that he allowed us to try adopting, but I think that God used this situation to let us both get on the same page with what we wanted for our future and see that wasn't his plan for us. We have spent the last ten years of our lives working on our family and we are emotionally, physically and financially spent. I can't keep putting my family's needs last to achieve the big family that I've always wanted. After all the heart ache of the last ten years, I can look at my girls and finally feel closure and be content with the our family of four. I am thankful that I have a new found appreciation for our lives and I can look forward to our futures instead of looking back at all that we have been through. God has given us a peace that surpasses all understanding and I never knew what the was until we grieved the loss of many miscarriages and foster children. I consider myself incredibly blessed to see all the miracles that God has bestowed upon us. God is good - God is ALWAYS good!

C

It's a Crazy Life

Hello friends and family that still tune into watch our lives unfold! Most of my friends don't keep up with their blogs anymore, but I use mine as a diary of the children's lives, so I will try to be faithful about updating as much as possible. Well, since I last blogged, a lot has happened. It seems like a million years ago. Aaron was gone all summer and that was really difficult with trying to get into a new routine with the boys we foster and then learning how to juggle four children, two of which were into everything. It was a tough struggle in the beginning and there were some days that I didn't know how I was going to get through it all, but we survived. What I didn't realize, was how hard it would be to do your normal activities with four children. Going out and about with a baby, toddler, preschooler and 6 year old was near impossible, which meant we stayed home a lot and that left me feeling very lonely. All my friends were going to the beach etc. and those were things I couldn't do by myself and it was very depressing. I forget how isolating it can be to have a baby in the house again. I tried to keep the kids busy playing in the baby pool, slip and slide and on the swing set. Bella said it was the best summer ever, because she got to love on the baby, which made her summer, but Natalie and Hova argued about everything and fought over toys all day long. That has gotten a lot better in the last month. Our foster boys have grown so much in so many ways. It's been fun to be on this journey with them. The baby learned how to stand, walk, say a couple of words and gained 5 teeth with us. Hova is almost two and he's been a blast to watch. His first sentence was "I Wub u", which was said to Aaron over skype while he was gone. He loves having a daddy around and eats up "guy time." He's gained so many words and everything has become so much clearer. Every day that they are here we love them even more. When they leave, which I think will be in December (it's tentative) it will be hard to say good-bye. I don't know how professional foster parents do it. All the hugs, cuddles, "I love yous", and when they lay their head on your shoulders when you hold them - wow, what a reward, but how painful at the same time. We started out with the boys thinking it would be a very short stay before they were placed with family and then it was indefinite and even though we would like to adopt them, we always knew it wasn't an option. After everything we learned through this process, Aaron and I have decided to not to seek children for adoption that have already had their parental ties severed. I don't know what the future holds for us, but if it means that it's just the four of us, I think we will be content with that.

Bella started second grade a couple of weeks ago and she loves it. She loves her teacher and her closest friend from kindergarten is back with her in second grade and she's made lots of new friends and is very happy. She just turned seven on Friday and she had a tea party for her birthday. Everyone that was invited, showed up, so it was completely crazy here that night. 12 screaming girls hyped up on sugar and excitement. I've never seen such excited girls!!!! Aaron's mom let us borrow her huge tea set and we did sandwiches cut in cute flower shapes and lots of pretty candy decorating the table. I actually succeeded in making Bella's teapot cake, which was a huge relief. I had planned lots of games, but the girls wanted to have more of a play date, so we left some time at the end and they had a blast. I think next year we will skip an actual party and just plan a giant play date for the girls.

Natalie started preschool at Learning Ship and loves school too. We miss Mrs. Jenny at gymnastics preschool from last year - she is a wonderful christian woman who is blessed with the gift of teaching young children. Nat's new teachers are Mrs. Anne and Mrs. Sue and Bella had them back when she attended Learning Ship. Mrs. Anne is the most beautiful person inside and out that I have ever met. I truly feel God's presence when I am around her. I feel very blessed that Natalie gets to be in her class this year.

Right now things are crazy but good. We take the boys for visits with their bio parents twice a week, Bella is in school full time, Nat has school three days a week, we have small group, I have Bible study, the girls have AWANA and I watch my neighbors's son once a week. It's nice to have Aaron home again and things back to semi-normal. Happy fall everyone:)